Imagine a beautiful room full of all your friends, family, colleagues and anyone else who was important in your life. At the front of this room is an antique and very grand table. On it is a large shining ornate box. And in the box…is you! Stiff as a proverbial board.
Yup, you’re dead.
Now imagine all the people in the room getting up to say a few words about you. What would they say about your life? What did you stand for? What did you achieve? If you pieced all their words together into a story, what would that story sound like?
REST IN PEACE CLORINDA A life worth living is what I will say a few minutes before I breathe the last breath. Pablo Neruda put it better: "Confieso que he vivido" I confess that I have lived. Last night during the final speech perfomance of my Emerson HS students, I decided to give my speech in front of them. I could not believe how well these students had done in comparison to my Thursday night college students. They impressed me without belief; as well as my Tuesday college class did. I spoke of my trials and tribulations and how I have managed to live, thus far without a family and a man who'd love me for me. Roberto Clemente said when he was alive " to have made a positive difference in the lives of people, is a life worth having lived." In a matter of weeks I will turn 50... wow did I actually write that? I told my students last night, that ever since I could remember, I had never told my real age to anyone. Here I am plastering it all over this world. When I was 14 people thought I was 20 and so on. Now I am 49 years old and on January 28, 2008 I will turn 50. I need to KILL CLORINDA now in order to be reborn. 49 years and here I am confined to a coffin people looking at me. Who are these people? Surely, they are not family members. Only my son.... yes my wonderful son. The love of my life For I have fought all obstacles to give him the education he deserved. My son, my son... What will he say before me? No other relatives... They are all dead. A father that never cared, perhaps? A husband, perhaps? it's been decades since our divorce. His wife, maybe will say something. I forgave her long time ago and became her friend for the sake of my son. I had no other children, she had the children I could not have. She has 5.... My son, my son will never be alone once I am gone. Who will attend my funeral, then? My only friend of 31 years, Dora will surely be there. We met while working for Banco Do Brasil, S.A., 550-5th Avenue, New York City. Long time to have just one friend, right? Well, that's all I have. The friend I met when I was just 18 Then there's Madeline who lives nearby and is always there waiting for me to ask for help. Only that I never ask for help whether I am falling into a dark abyss. I know that I will stand and keep on moving again. Lynneve, my Chinese twin from Guilin, China? I haven't heard from her in a long time. She is in love. Met the man of her dreams on line, an Aussie who fell madly in love with her and now lives with her, I think. I have not heard from her. Who else, then, will be at my funeral? Lovers? ha ha ha, I had but one a real one the first one Salvador Oriuhela Perez where are you? We met on August 24, 1978 in Madrid. Remember Cerebro the discotheque? I have gone to Spain so many times in search of you, but never found you. Will I dare to say the name of my other lover? ha ha ha, no. He is afraid and only reads my blogs to get a glimpse of what he no longers has. The one who came and ripped my heart into a zillion pieces now hides. Who will attend? The one I used and knew was using me for 15 years of my life? The Egyptian? No, he is not invited to my funeral. Who? My students from China My students from New york My Students from New Jersey Yes, they are invited. The blond child I saved in Niagara Falls 30 years ago. I remember that day so vividly. There was a multitude of people when I saw him running to the rushing waters...I ran, I stopped him. Who is your mommy baby, who? I asked The Korean child I saved who had separated from his father and was crossing the street? How many years has it been since then? 25 at least. From my coffin I only see my son, my son my students, Dora and Madeline That's all. I lived and suffered every day of my life I loved until I did not have any more love to give I smiled my pain away I have cried an ocean to forget who I was. I travelled to countries some people only dream of. There are still more places for me to see. More people who need my love I must teach them about life and how to endure pain and learn from them as well. yeah ok..you will comment and say, you have not had pain like others have had. We all have different pain We all suffer differently What I offer to the world and to those who meet me is love unadulterated love love that comes from my soul love that overburdens me love that explodes love that needs to be expelled from my pores Love that consumes me. Love that burns my blood love is what I give whether you want it or not. The woman inside me only pleades for love love she has never truly had. And here I am waiting hoping crying thinking What is love? Do you love me? Do you think you can kill the old Clorinda so that the new Clorinda will begin a new life filled with hopes, rainbows, sunrises, sunsets, roses, daffodils, spiders, butterflies, seagulls, doves, ladybugs, fireflies, thunder, gushing winds, rain, rivers, and oceans. Ohhh do not forget the MOON in all its glory the Stars that shine above.. the clouds I love to watch, the snow I love to melt with my body, the horizons that take me from one place to the other. The children who laugh the laugh of innocence. The memory of my blind brother, the one I wanted to give my eyes for him to see... The old lady I will never be. Yes, I want to die for I do not fear death. A life worth living A life I gave No richess, no prince, no kings, nothing I had in the physical world. Never worried about what I did not have. Will not cry if I am poor for I am so rich in spirit and I have travelled this world and given all of me. Can that compare to money? I die today you see. I die alone I die in peace I die of gratitude for a life worth living. 
copyright © 2007 Amante_infiel Productions All rights reserved
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